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The turning of the tides
Aug. 16th, 2008 | 11:32 am
location: home
mood: 
content
music: pavarotti
 Feedback | ebay Auctions | Etsy Shop | ABU Auctions | Im happy...So happy! I know its been a long stretch since my last entry but I am back and things are good. the last year has been so full of change that it shocks even me. Since I last expressed my thoughts and feelings to you good readers, I have ended a long and dark relationship and found love again, unexpectedly from a source that was always there. My best friend. We are to be married on Sept. 6th. Also, Im back to painting again...YAY! What can I say, with love comes inspiration. On the unfortunate side, the artists group that I was involved in has become out of my reach. Since I had vanished due to circumstances beyond my control my email changed and know I can no longer contact anyone at WWAO, Ive tried. I really miss those gals and would love to find a way to get back in their good graces and become involved again. Anybody connected, please message me! I wanna come home! Just so you all know, God is still working miracles for me and I am so in awe! Love to you all...be blessed! |
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one subject? i couldnt guess....
Oct. 24th, 2007 | 01:15 pm
location: home
mood: 
disappointed
music: Blue October
Feedback | ebay Auctions | Etsy Shop | ABU Auctions | You know....I have a hard time expressing myself when things arent tough...expressing joy for me has always been a complicated process. I believe I just didnt see enough of it when I was younger, therefore I never learned how. I've had several things happen since my last attempt at expression in written form, several good, if not spectacular, things that are so worthy of being written down and shared with the world...or my two whole readers who may have long since lost interest. But when do I feel compelled to write? After an incredible eye opening trip to Mexico....no? After My home is saved by nothing short of a miracle?....no....When, oh reader, do I feel compelled? The answer is simple...when things suck....for as sad as it is true, I am good at expressing pain...practice makes perfect right? My whole being physically and spiritually bears the feeling of a large rock, full of Helium. Im not sure which sensation is stronger in me right now, the feeling that I cant stop a thought before it vacates my head and floats to oblivion where it will stay afloat til it begins to become too heavy. It will fall then as they always do to crash against my skull and leave a whole just big enough to allow more of my helium thoughts to escape, thus perpetuating the cycle....OR.....The feeling that no matter how hard i wobble back and forth, Im still a rock...I will not get off the ground unless someone comes along and puts me in there pocket for a while...I dont wanna be in anyones pocket..so....whats left but to sit here and keep thinking thoughts that dont want to be in my head but only escape knowing that soon, there gonna crtash back down again. I am bringing others down around me because Im a very viby person, I dont want to do this so I try to get them to leave me be til I work it out on my own, which I will do, in my time, I am after all a lumbering creature. For me, everything takes time. But Im surrounded by wannabe saviours and people who place the weight of their own sanity in the hands of mine. This is not good...for me or them. I dont wanna be responsible, I can barely keep myself afloat right now and spending energy on a false feeling so people will think Im ok only drains the resources I have to work with..another cycle...they are EVERYWHERE you know.... I wanna be ok...I wanna make others feel ok...and I dont want it to be bullshit when I smile, if Im gonna do it I want it to be for real. It will happen again, in my time....I screw up alot and for now thats something that ways heavy on my heart, but, I need these emotional vacations once in awhile to clean out the closet, without them I would be truly as insane and socially disoriented as everyone assumes I am right now. YES, I do suck...so does everyone else(no offense to you, but we are all human, if you dont suck once in awhile youre either A. not human or B. really good at lying to yourself...teach me!) and I just want the right to come to grips with that on my own. I have found myself in the position to break people, this is not a responsibility I ever wanted...children to grow up like me? Holy Shit man...I dont want this feeling for any of my offspring! Are they doomed...I think its inevitable, everything I try to do to make sure that they dont relive my life backfires....and I see so much of myself in them that I become angry with myself for ever bringing them into the world...I love them too much to want this for them and I knew it before they ever existed. My husband? What kind of wife could I be...I cant hold a real job and Im no good at the domestic arts.....Im self conscious and critical of others because Im too smart for my own good or anyone elses....I dont want it...I dont wanna notice how screwed up things and people are...I wanna not care...If I were so smart Id see the importance of NOT being so critical, dont sweat the small stuff right? Well, thats how sick I am...I do know...and I cant stop myself anyway....When will this end...when I let go? I wanna let go...but something in me holds on...I know in my heart that I cant screw things up bad enough that God Almighty cannot not fix them and save me from myself...I know this...and yet I brood. |
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9 days...
Jun. 22nd, 2007 | 05:41 pm
mood: excited
Feedback | ebay Auctions | Etsy Shop | ABU Auctions | Well the time is drawing near...I leave tomorrow morning for the Church and after a day of training and team building we will sleep and rise to leave for the airport at 3:00 am....and then.....Los Angeles...and then...a bus to San Diego....and then....the caravan to Tijuana. Are 9 days enough to have an impact? Yes. With no doubt, the smallest second can leave a mark that never fades. With all deliberation these 9 days will change lives....mine included....and I wait for it with willingness and gratitude. I am gonna be a MESS! Hysteria hold your wrath, ive not a moment to lose.... |
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Miracles
Jun. 10th, 2007 | 10:35 pm
location: home
mood: excited
Feedback | ebay Auctions | Etsy Shop | ABU Auctions | I wanted to share something very special that happened to our family today. We all are going through alot of financial hardship right now and have been doing various fundraisers and such to earn the money to pay for the mission trip. Each of us owed $136 to the fund with only two weeks to go. Thats a grand total of $680 we needed to come up with, so we decided to have a spaghetti dinner to try to make up some of the funds. The cost of the groceries and supplies for the dinner came to $110. At the end of our dinner today, we opened the donation cans(we didnt set a price for the dinner, just asked for what could be spared) and counted the moneys. The grand total was $790! The $110 to cover the cost of the dinner and $680 to bring us paid to the penny for the trip! There were only about 50 people at the dinner, but that was all God needed to meet our needs! The Lord provides! |
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NIbblefest is Groovy!
May. 20th, 2007 | 09:28 pm
mood: content
Feedback | ebay Auctions | Etsy Shop | ABU Auctions | Hey all! Nibblefests theme is Groovy 60's this month so I thought I would list my drawing "Groovy" which won me a 6 month sub to deviantArt last year! All Nibblefest Entries begin at a pidly .99 cents so shoot over and check them out, just type nfac into the ebays search bar. And heres mine for ya http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?Vie |
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the same ol song
Apr. 23rd, 2007 | 12:20 pm
location: home
mood: 
blank
Feedback | ebay Auctions | Etsy Shop | ABU Auctions | I dont know what it is exactly, that makes the work I like so uninteresting to the viewer...I can spend 5 minutes on a piece, go "eh...tsokay" and it will ineveitably sell, and with multiple bids.....but without fail, hours go into a piece, days even sometimes....and nothing, no spark of interest from anyone. On Nibblefest even! I always get bids on nfac, but I remain one of the few unbid auctions after three days...subject matter is the issue for me this time around....its not the norm I guess. Im pretty sure it will eventually get a bid, but its a bit of a bummer to spend $$$ on a canvas and time in the art itself to give it up for a buck. My consolation is that the one who buys it, will really love it and feel they got a steal(which they will have, lol!),....aaah, such is life! |
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!!!
Mar. 16th, 2007 | 10:20 am
location: home
mood: awake
music: k-love
Feedback | ebay Auctions | Etsy Shop | ABU Auctions | ArtBloggin.com, A Directory of Artists Who I have found myself uttersly swamped! My house is a wreck, Ive got 2 commissions due and trying to keep up with the Marketing aspects of being an Artist is just insane! Blogs and Lenses and Listings...OH MY! Not to mention trying to come up with new ways to raise funds for the missions trip and trying to get in shape to dig and swing a hammer for 14 hours a day, 5 days straight. And I still dont know a lick of spanish(except what Ive learned from Dora the Explorer and uno momento bendejo(spelling?) which is totally innappropriate for a missions trip(or any other time for that matter, lol) to Mexico. So, my plate is full....Where did my appetite go again? I mean, its not that I feel overwhelmed or anything........God help me. |
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Workin!
Mar. 13th, 2007 | 09:10 am
mood: busy
Feedback | ebay Auctions | Etsy Shop | ABU Auctions | ArtBloggin.com, A Directory of Artists Who Ive been workin everyday! Painting like mad! Sales are picking up and I think thats part of it, but MAN! I dont think Ive had a streak like this in awhile. I go to bed thinking about work and I wake up thinking about work. I dont know how much I have in me, but I hope it keeps up, it feels great! Now...finding time for shipping.....paperwork...listing....phot |
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Nifty!
Mar. 9th, 2007 | 10:11 am
mood: awake
Feedback | ebay Auctions | Etsy Shop | ABU Auctions | ArtBloggin.com, A Directory of Artists Who Its a gorgeous (though cold still)day here, spring is trying, it really is putting forth some sorta effort to shine through the leftover dregs of white stuff. I think Im going to go for a walk when the sun reaches a bit higher perch and does its job to warm the roads so my feet wont freewze off. I have been wandering around the web in search of inspiration and thanx to one of "the girls" in the WWAO, Rebecca Grantham to be more precise (you can find her here,and as well you should http://www.rebeccagrantham.com/ ) I ran into a very cool project I thought should be shared! Find the Art-o-Mat here http://www.artomat.org/home.html |
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New resource
Mar. 8th, 2007 | 08:19 am
location: home sweet home
mood: optimistic
Feedback | ebay Auctions | Etsy Shop | ABU Auctions | ArtBloggin.com, A Directory of Artists Who Ha, I love our group! The WWAO is a group of brilliant women from all over the world, who use their extremely valuable time persuing new ways to assist each other in our chosen field..ART! I am constantly amazed at the amount of resources that pour from the daily posts of these awesome ladies, heres one I thought I should share! ArtBloggin.com is a fee free site that allows you to list your selling and blogging links in exchange for linking back to them, seems like a good deal to me! You will find a link at the top of my post, go check it out! Free advertising makes marketing seem easy! |
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Slacker
Mar. 7th, 2007 | 08:20 pm
mood: cheerful
Feedback | ebay Auctions | Etsy Shop</a> | ABU Auctions</font></a></b></p>I dont really have alot to say today, I just feel like maybe that doesnt matter. I think I should post either way as a form of self disipline, or just to see if I can.....Im quite the slacker when it comes to this you know. Hmmmmm, had a wisdom tooth(or what was left of it) fall out yesterday, Im actually really relieved. Strange?....Maybe but, if it werent it probably wouldnt mesh well with the rest of my life. Sales are pickin up a bit for me, I had an auction end with 11 bids the other day, that was really nice! I think things are still looking up, but I dont wanna tempt fate by saying that too many more times...well see waht happens! For right now, Im just gonna roll with it! |
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the winds of change
Feb. 27th, 2007 | 01:06 pm
Feedback | ebay Auctions | ABU Auctions</a> Well, I feel a change happening. A few of them actually. The Maginfication director at my Church has chosen me(this time its official) as a core member of the Creative Arts team! Im very excited, we've met twice to discuss ideas for ways to bring more art into our church and therefore..our community. We have some great ideas and I have a really good feeling about the whole thing. I also think it will be really good for me to have closer contact with other artists and creative types, its a good source of inspiration for me. One of the other members told me of a job opening where he works carving carrousel horses. They are in need of painters and it may be a good lead for me, we'll see how flexible they are with scheduling. |
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Oh My!
Feb. 2nd, 2007 | 11:39 am
location: home
mood: excited
Feedback | ebay Auctions | ABU Auctions</a> Well, I officially registered my domain name yesterday, and paid a years hosting through hostica. Now begins the hard part, building my site. I think Im gonna have to do a Bit of research and a lot of design work and then I might be ready to go. I just think its time, I really do. I also started receiving emails from the director of Magnification at my church yesterday, she is looking to put together a creative design team and was looking for people with degrees in art for the job, I dont have a degree. I told her this, gave her a bit of background and she decided shes still interested in using me! I am excited! Well off to be busy...... |
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Jumping the gun
Jan. 19th, 2007 | 10:53 am
mood: 
anxious
Feedback | ebay Auctions | ABU Auctions</a> It posted after all....we'll see what happens now. |
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Hmmmmmm
Jan. 19th, 2007 | 10:11 am
mood: drained
Feedback | ebay Auctions | ABU Auctions</a> Somehow, my aforementioned post did NOT in fact post at all....Im not sure what to think of this either except to wonder if Im being spared the wrath of the sisters by God himself, or if Im not being tested to see If I will let the group go on without knowing my opinion on this subject, which Im sure is one that faces the ladies of this group at least once in awhile. I feel like I should just shut up, and I feel like I shouldnt. I didnt create this group, its not my baby....I havent even been that long or participated that much. But I do love it, and I dont know what to do. |
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my stupid mouth
Jan. 19th, 2007 | 09:48 am
mood: drained
Feedback | ebay Auctions | ABU Auctions</a> I am a very opinionated person and sometimes Im so opinionated that I cant help but open my mouth and let everyone in the world know it. Today a member of the WWAO stated that she was at a time in her life that she was too busy to participate actively in the group and she felt that she should leave the group. I dont know why but when I read her note it felt to me as if she didnt really want to go but had made a boo boo by not recognizing a name of another member. i think she felt a bit outcast...and due to this wanted to leave. I may have been wrong, I posted telling her that she shouldnt go, but should try to pop into the group a little more often just to keep updated, until some of her time was freed up to participate a little more. Right after I posted the message, I found that other members had posted in agreement with her, that she should just go. Im not entirely sure how I feel about this....Im waiting to be told by everyone to mind my own business. Maybe I was wrong to post but...I just didnt feel right about the way she was going out, or even still...the fact that she is leaving at all. I mean, as an artist, I spend alot of time hoping that a time will come when Im terribly busy and if and when that happens I would like to know my family will be here when life slows down a hair, to listen to my experiences and learn from my mistakes or accomplishments. And I would hope that those sisters who wander away to live, will come back and share. Well...we will see what happens. I only hope Im not wrong.... It always sucks to be wrong..... |
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WWAO show
Jan. 14th, 2007 | 08:55 am
mood: awake
Feedback | ebay Auctions | ABU Auctions</a> I did it! I got a piece done in time AND the funds to ship it, I dont know that its a particularly good piece, but its not a bad one...frankly I feel this way about most of my work...not all but most. But I am just tickled to have somthing to send! I was really not thinking it would work out....well see what happens. |
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WWAO Florida Gallery exhibit
Jan. 7th, 2007 | 06:22 pm
mood: blah
Feedback | ebay Auctions | ABU Auctions</a> Sometimes a really great opportunity presents itself and sometimes, it just doesnt....The WWAO is holding an exhibit for its members and I really want to submit a piece, but right now I just cant seem to scrounge up the funds to ship a piece down. I dont know if this is whats having an effect on me creatively, but I feel a little down because of it and My creativity levels have decreased largely for the past two weeks. I feel really blah and Im slacking on my ebay listings as well, this is obviously NOT going to help my issue with funds. Its a vicious cycle.....but what can I do?!? |
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ouch!
Jan. 4th, 2007 | 08:31 pm
mood: sore
Feedback | ebay Auctions | ABU Auctions</a> I am not technically old....yet. In my opinion 31 is still relatively young, but my body does not neccesarily agree with me....it has never been a "young" body. At age 11 I had to have a tumor of fatty tissue removed from my hand, the Doc said this was highly unusual because this particular type of tumor generally reserves itself for the elderly. At 18 I had to have my Gall bladder removed due to an extremely high volume of Gallstones, according to the Doc it was way too many for an 18 year old Girl. Then the tumor came back and was removed again at 20. I have a bad back and a bad hip and I still have to gwet old! Today I reached to a shelf about 6 inches over my head to retrieve some paint, WHAM! a shooting spasm right in between my two shoulder blades, ths was about 9 hours ago.....my heating pad is not helping me....This is ridiculous! |
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Game Plan....
Jan. 3rd, 2007 | 11:39 pm
location: home
mood: amused
music: Kipper the Dog theme song
Feedback | ebay Auctions | ABU Auctions</a> Well....here it is, an all new year. Ive decided not to bother with resolutions this year, Im just gonna live, and try to do it without screwin too much up or giving God too many reasons to lecture me me the way only he can. Im feelin very creative but my outlet seems to be my living space right now, my "castle" bedroom is nearly complete and soon it will be on to the living room! I cant wait. Meanwhile Im trying to get some artwork squeezed out too but my muse is playing hide and seek with me right now (her favorite game, she teases my brain when Im daydreaming, then when I try to grasp one of the thoughts shes danced on, she snatches it up like lightning and blinks out of the existence my puny bit of perception actually understands, only to reemerge when all sharp objects (such as pencils or their less sharp but still very occularly endangering cousins, the paintbrushes) are safely put away.) But I will get her mind you, probably when Im not at all ready but my reflexes decide to work at just the wrong time, I am sure my hands will be full. |